I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
