Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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