D3 body, D1 cock
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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