I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
