he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
