My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
