It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
