just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
