Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
