I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
