i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
