I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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