oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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