as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
