Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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