It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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