Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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