Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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