I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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