when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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