oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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