Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
