she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Couch. On fire.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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