apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
