You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I puked a lego.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
