I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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