Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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