dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
