The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
