I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
