I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
