Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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