why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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