Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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