I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
