What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
