she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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