from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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