You really coming over, don't trick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
