well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
