she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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