I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
