i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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