Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
