Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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