Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
