I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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