You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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