she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
