Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
