I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
