You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
