They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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