Plan B is the new Plan A
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Text me some of your sweat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
