He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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