I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I looked at my own cervix.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Randomize
