She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
