It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
